I read somewhere a saying that said – anger within you will only burn you deeper. I have anger within me now. Anger that I have been carrying around for a few days and I think until I write this piece, I may not be able to let go of it. And I do not want to get burn and burn even deeper (it is painful), hence I must write this down.
My anger is with beliefs and ideologies. The cancerous elements that are without failed setting us against our brothers and sisters. These beliefs and ideologies that are only producing conflict, not just among different communities, but also among groups within the same community.
Many times in my little mind, I wonder why is it so difficult for us to open our eyes and heart to realise that as long as we identify ourselves with these beliefs and ideologies, as long as we cling to it, as long as we are conditioned by these dogmas, there will be conflict, contention and misery both within ourselves and in the world.
This constant repeated assertion and proclamation that we belong to a certain political, social or religious group, that we are of this ideology/belief/religion or of that, sometimes until we are ready to kill or be killed for our belief and ideology, is driving me mad! I am not claiming to be so wise but all these are so stupid, so inhuman, so unnatural. Surely, human beings and their lives are more important than any ideological boundaries.
And with this division and increasing resentment, can we then really expect to see any possibility of achieving unity? How can there ever be peace if we are still embedded with our ignorance, bitterness and fear of another, of our egotism and make-believe?
Being born into an organised religion, I find myself always struggling with the idea of how I should be because of who I was born as. And because of that, I hated the identification I was stamped with or any other, for that matter. And as though that is not enough, couple of years back, I mistakenly identified myself with another ideology. Honestly, the reason of my association was not because of my belief of that particular ideology but more because of my passion to relate with the marginalised communities. And naively I thought the association would be beneficial.
Well, it is not beneficial in the way I thought it would be but it does taught me a good lesson. For one, I made many good friends. And the most priceless is the link with this ideology convinced me ever more than before that ideologies in any form are really just a waste of time. It is rather destructive than constructive.
I personally witnessed how an ideology can drives one to build a strong wall around what they have identified themselves with. It is like this ideology becomes some form of security that must be protected and therefore one must resists anybody who threatens it. And I saw where and when there is resistance, it creates division.
So the last meeting with the group was like the last blow for me. But I am grateful that it happened. At least my eyes are wide open now, and so is my heart. So I told myself, I cannot do it anymore. I cannot put myself in a box and take shelter in an idea and put my hopes that all this crisis happening around me now can be solved by an ideology. It cannot be. Because I saw how ideology always becomes an obstruction to direct relationship.
I dont want to become so attached to the world of ideas and of theories but not the actuality. I do not want to only be concern about political and social patterns as according to a theory from the past but not reflecting to what is actually shouting in front of my face. I refused to be conditioned by the past and proudly call this conditioning as knowledge, or as an experience. And then wrongly translated the new changing lives according to this so-called knowledge.
I want to say it now, for once and for all, that I dont give a damn about your ideologies. You can keep all the mouthful terminologies of the ideas to yourself and to those who bought it. I am out. Out of the conflict you are creating between what is and what the experience that has been. Because for the life of me, I cannot see how with such conflict, inwardly and outwardly, can one then expect to find path to solution of any problem. Nope, it won’t be solved and you will only stay lost because your ideologies and/or beliefs will only perpetuate the conditions that created the problem at the first place.